I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
