I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
