Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
