Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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