he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
