No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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