I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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