So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
