Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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