I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the day after is always just damage control
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
