MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
