Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
