If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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