I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
