I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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