It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
