i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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