thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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