i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
