why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
