K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
