Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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