No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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