I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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