everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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