dude i'm inner monologue high
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
