So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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