fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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