So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
