They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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