He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
