I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
