So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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