we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
