so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
