I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
