Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
