Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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