another moral hangover. fuck.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
