Can Purell be used as lube?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
