I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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