I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
