I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
only you would photoshop your dick
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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