Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
