i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
