Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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