Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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