I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
