i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
