I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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