I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
